Well............

I found another box of tests under my sink so I decided, "Why Not?!"


There were two lines this AM! And they show up better than the pictures show. Official test on Tue, but I'm feeling pretty good!!!

Oh and note to self, don't go on a boat on the ocean to see whales when you're feeling morning sickness. Not a good combo. But the whales were cool!

More Great News

1) My jeans don't fit today. Hahaha
2) My belly is bloated.
3) Feeling that carsick feeling off and on, it goes away when I eat, but comes back quickly.
4) I had bad nightmares last night (this was a definite pregnancy sign with Tori and Abbie)
5) I was told I have a sparkle in my eye today
6) lots of movement in the uterus area with twinges and cramps but not period type
7) Boobs hurt
8) I gagged taking my prenatal tonight, had to breathe deep for a minute to keep it all in.

So I'm pretty happy with these symptoms. Not sure what else there is left to feel except actually throwing up but I never did that with either one of my other pregnancies so I'm hoping that won't happen :)

Just hoping its not all in my head. It's kind of surreal. Been 8 years of trying and many months of false symptoms so it's hard to trust my body. And the fact that it's so early, if it's not in my head, I'm thinking good chance of twins...

Great News!

I fit into my old jeans again! No more water weight :) Hopefully I can retire these jeans in a month or two though, we'll see! Still waiting... Feeling weak, lightheaded, hot, and hungry... Nothing else to report though. I found out I only have one good pregnancy test left at home so I think I'm going to wait till maybe Sunday? We'll see...

Symptoms

Is it too early to be feeling symptoms? I think so... however, I totally feel unsettled in my stomach. Like eating or drinking anything just doesn't sound good. Strangely it makes me happy! I read a forum today that said that people could tell as early as 3 days past their transfer that they were pregnant with a pee test. That's TOMORROW! But it only shows up that quick if you have twins. I don't think I'm going to do it tomorrow... unless you'd like to donate to my pee stick fund. I'll take it if you buy it for me. But they're too expensive to start now. I think I'll wait till Friday or Saturday... but if I continue feeling sick, I may break. We'll see.

Burn the ships and No Plan B

Well, the embryologist called and started with "I have bad news..." my stomach flipped and I had to remember that my babies are already inside me :) she said the other two embryos didn't make it so they couldn't freeze them. I was relieved that that was the bad news but just her saying that still made me feel bad. After discussing with Brad how I felt about it, I told him I was sad that my Plan B is no longer an option. That it puts more pressure on it working this time. He said that we just need to trust and burn our ships and then I remembered one of my rules of thumb... "Brockbanks are NEVER Plan B". This rule of thumb is usually in regards to boys and that we never settle for a boy who doesn't love us most, but I'm going to go ahead and say this applies to our babies too for the sake of making me feel better. Our Plan A is going to work and now we won't have to decide what to do with them when we have twins and have our hands full. AND we'll use that money to pay for all the cute baby stuff we'll need :)... And maybe take the girls to Disneyland if I'm feeling up to it! I'm really excited about the thought of doing that with the girls before life completely changes in our family.

They finally emailed me the picture of my embryos. I don't really know much about why they look the way they do, I just know they said they were Grade A :) so I figure there's no other higher letter in the alphabet... They must be awesome. A is for Awesome! And Adorable!

I've been feeling small cramps today. I'm going to affirm that's my embies making a nice home in my warm and cozy tummy. Can I just say again how excited I am to feel them kick!!

Tips for bedrest...

Shower before it begins
Choose out some new movies to watch
Have your nails and toes manicured
Have lots of munchies handy
Magazines would help
Kindle
Don't eat as much as you usually do, when lying down your stomach holds food differently
Have your kids handy to be your slaves (or a friend or spouse)

Here we wait like birds in the wilderness...

Are you familiar with that song? It's a family favorite. One my sister and I used to sing frequently growing up.

The valium has left my body I'm pretty sure, I'm feeling back to normal. Why do people take drugs? I hate feeling not myself. So glad that the world stopped spinning.

I'm at home now. They said they're going to email me my picture of my embryos. I was a little disappointed I didn't get to take it home with me but they drugged me up so I wouldn't fight it. ;) So once I get my picture, I'll post it.

Everything went off without a hitch though, no problems at all. I took a long nap when I got home and now I'm beginning my feelings of bedrest... I think my family will be pretty tired of this bedrest thing pretty quickly. It's amazing how many things you want but can't get and I feel like a slave driver... And I've only been awake for like an hour.

Now that I'm finishing up with all this medication stuff they've had me on for a month, I'm going to try to drink and extra amount of water to clean out my liver and kidneys that have been working overtime with all these foreign things I've had to put in my body.

My pregnancy test is scheduled for 9/4. I will assuredly be taking a pee test prior to that, or ten, so don't you worry, you won't have to wait that long long to hear the results. I'm not one to wait longer than absolutely physically necessary for pretty much anything :).

4 have made it!

So they definitely have two good ones for me today!! Hooray! They told me that they will know tomorrow if the other two make it to freezing. And the other cool thing she said, is that if I did a frozen transfer next time I don't have to go through all shots, it's super easy, they just put it in me! So it's something to think about :) I'll leave that in the Lord's hands. I'm just so happy we have two good ones. I'll post a picture as soon as I can get one of our twins. Their first of many photo ops!

My appt was at 9:15 but still haven't done anything yet, still waiting. I took some valium. That should be fun!

They make you have a full bladder to do the transfer and I was really uncomfortable, she checked my bladder and said it was too full. So I was able to pee a cup's worth. Do you know how hard it is to stop mid pee? Well I did great :) I'm quite a talented pee stopper.

I'm so happy right now. I feel so blessed! It's finally here! Within an hour I'll be prego!!!

It all comes down to this...

I feel like its the last 10 seconds of the 4th quarter and the score is tied with the rival team. We have the ball and we're at the 10 yard line... And it all comes down to this last play. Will this be it? Will this work?

If it doesn't, there are no more plays left. This is it. So we hope, we pray, and we do everything right. And the rest we leave up to God. I can honestly say I've done all I can. I've taken every shot, swallowed every pill, eaten healthy, prayed diligently, read my scriptures every day... I can honestly say there is nothing I could have done better or harder. I've done it all. And so I put my trust in God that it's all up to him. After all, these children that come to earth are his. They are not ours. We are only stewards and tools in his hands to care for his children for however long we are blessed to do so.

I could easily say I'm a better Mom than many others in this world. I don't say that pridefully, its just a fact. But I'm positive that being a good Mom or parent is not what determines who gets blessed with babies and who doesn't. I wish it was.

I'm ready to accept my fate and the Lord's will. It's been quite a journey. Regardless of the outcome, I know that God lives, and that he loves me. And I accept his plan for me. Now let's go get this over with and find out the final score.

2 days and counting

Just got a call from the embryologist. She has a really cool British Accent. I asked them to call me today to update me on my babies. They apparently don't like doing that on Day 3 because they claim there is nothing to update you with and she seemed a tad bit annoyed, but I was grateful for the update nonetheless. She said of the 6 we have left, 3 are growing really really well and three are struggling a little. She said that there is still potential, but that we'll probably have 3 by Sunday. This is what they had told me on Wednesday as well, so I was expecting it, however I was hopeful I could be the exception. But alas, I am the typical. Which is better than the lower than average :). So anyway, my main thing is that I want two healthy embryos ready to grow in my tummy in 45 hours from now. Can you believe we're that close?

Right now I'm on a bunch of meds to prepare my body to take the embryos. It's totally crazy how much goes into this baby making process when 15 year olds do it on accident in the back of a car. But I am grateful for the blessing of science and I know God has control.

I was blessed to reconnect with an amazing man who has an amazing gift to do energy healing and kinesiology. He agreed to see me today and I feel so much more at peace knowing that he's going to help me get my body ready and in line and ready. What an amazing and timely blessing.