Let this be enough...

This last year has not been the easiest year of my life. I could probably count it in the top five hardest? We've moved a few times, tried a few jobs, started our own company, and just the fact that Charlie is now a toddler is just exhausting. And with every stage and milestone I can't help but yearn for one more. Will he be all alone growing up? He's so bored now, it will only get worse. I've had more dreams of a little girl. We want to name her Arianna. She has the same beautiful coloring as Abbie. I really hope she exists.

With all the changes in our life, we haven't been able to save up anymore money for In Vitro. We've tried Supplements and oils and different natural doctors and everything we could try with the money that we do have but nothing is happening, nothing is changing. 

And with every yearning feeling and pleading with God, I can't help but feel guilty. Who am I to complain or yearn or whine or want? I have Charlie! He's everything and more I've wanted. Why do I want more? Am I like a child who just can't be satisfied with what I have?

I don't know. I do know it's a righteous desire to want more children. But I also know it's not really my place to expect the Lord to bless me with something that is his. These little spirits don't come for us. They come for their own purpose. So who are we to demand that it satisfies our desires?

Recently I went to a Women's Conference and something someone said there has greatly impacted me. She said instead of praying for more of this and more of that, can we pray that what we have can be enough? I honestly have never in my life thought to pray for that! But what a wonderful and righteous desire! 

I'm all about having goals and dreams and affirmations. Super important! But when your prayers are being answered with a "Wait and be patient", then what a wonderful thing to pray for. "Let this be enough." So... I'm waiting patiently and trusting that God has a plan for all of his children, and I will trust that plan. And in the meantime I am praying daily and sometimes hourly... "Let this be enough."