Update: Some good... some bad

The last three months have been pretty nuts. In March I came across this book called "Emotion Code" by Dr. Bradley Nelson. It talks about how the emotions that we feel are energies that can actually become trapped in our body and affect our body's functioning. I read the book and immediately started to test it out and started working on Brad's fertility. Within about two weeks I conceived naturally for the first time since 2003. I was in shock. How could something so simple as the Emotion Code cure Brad of his over a decade of infertility? Absolutely amazed and beyond excited. Then two weeks later, I miscarried. Incredibly sad and discouraged, I lifted up my chin and knew that if it could happen once, it could happen again... so the next month, we got pregnant again! And I miscarried again. And the next month I got pregnant AGAIN and I miscarried again, only this time I was a little further along. Long enough that I know the baby's heart was beating and I had dreams about her. Her name was Arianna Esther Brockbank. She is beautiful. I wish so bad I could hold her in my arms and raise her to womanhood, but I also know that God's plan for her was only to receive a body and to have all of the blessings of mortality without any of the trails and I'm grateful and honored that I could give her that opportunity, as hard as it was (trust me, it was one of the hardest things I've gone through), I know without a doubt that she is perfect and didn't need the trial of this mortal life, just a body for a week and she was back to heaven. I enjoyed her spiritual presence with me for a short time, I felt her very often. And I truly miss her. 

So now we're onto our next month. I'm at a point where I don't know what the Lord wants to teach me, I don't know if I'll get pregnant again and if I'll miscarry again, but I do know that the Lord loves me. And he has a plan not only for me but for all his precious children, and they all have a divine purpose and need to be born at a certain time.

Do I feel that my family is complete? Not really. Am I okay with it if it is? Absolutely. Would I like another child? Absolutely. So I trust and I wait and I trust and I wait. Story of my life. But I'm happy and I feel peace and comfort knowing that Arianna is in good hands and happier than she would have ever been here on Earth. And I'm grateful for an eternal family and the knowledge that some day I will be able to raise her and hold her in my arms.

-Angel-