Getting Closer!!!

Today I had another appointment to check my follicles and blood levels. They haven't called me back yet with the results from the blood levels, but based on the size of my follicles, they said they want to see me tomorrow AM at 7:30. So that's a great step in the right direction. My largest follicle is over 17, whatever that means?? I think I have like 8 or so that are good sized, and a few smaller ones, but for some reason I'm not concerned about that. I feel peace that it is how it is supposed to be. I have been thinking today though how close I'm getting and how real it's becoming. I haven't put a whole lot of thought until today about the fact that in a few days I'm having surgery, like they're actually knocking me out with IV and sedation and all that jazz. I read some other chic's blog about how she was in a lot of pain when she woke up. That made me nervous because I HATE waking up from anesthesia. I was thinking it wouldn't be a big deal since it's only like a 25 min procedure, but I'll talk to the doctor and anesthesia doctor about how I'd like to get the anti-nausea medicine and to give me as much pain medication as they can so that I'm good. I just hate being nauseated, that's the worst. I think based on today's appointment and going in tomorrow that I may have purchased too much medication. I'm a little frustrated about that because we really need to save the money for school stuff, but it is what it is. My sister in law is doing in vitro in a month, so I'll see if I can sell it to her for a discount :). So that I can recoup some of our costs. It's really getting close though, I'm so happy to feel like I'm in the home stretch. I just pray and hope that everything goes perfectly with my eggs and the spermies and them becoming little embryos and staying alive for 5 days in a petri dish. The worse thing would be to have nothing to put back in me after we've been through all of this. But I will trust in the Lord, that he will make whatever happen that needs to. We're going to the temple tomorrow for our friend's wedding, I think it'll be good to be able to do that with all these events happening, and be able to feel some more peace. I was thinking today as I was driving to my appointment about what if this doesn't work, etc... and I remembered that about 2 months before I started everything I was ready to throw in the towel. I had a huge emotional breakdown and freaked out about all the tests and shots and was ready to quit. I prayed and fasted and went to the temple in search of the feeling that I could quit, and I came out with a resolve to be brave and to continue forward. So I know that I was ready and willing to call it quits and looking for God's approval in that, and he sent me back with courage and bravery and resolve to do this. So I will trust that I'm doing what's right and he has complete control. In starting this whole process, I really had a struggle with understanding science vs. God's will and how they intertwine. Why if it was his will that I get pregnant, why I have to use science? And does Science really involve God a whole lot. But going through this process I can see that God's hand is in all science. Every shot that I take, every emotion that I feel, every appointment that I go to, and every progress that I make, I know that he is in charge of it all. I know that he's in control and frankly, I just do what I'm told and trust. It's all about trusting. I did some EFT (Emotional Freedom Therapy) in the beginning of the year and learned something that has truly changed my life. Arden Compton lives in Brigham City, and I consider him one of the best EFT Specialists. He helped me understand how Satan works to discourage us and how to understand our feelings and promptings. He had us get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side we wrote God at the top, and on the right side we wrote Satan. And then we drew a line underneath it. And then we wrote feelings and emotions under each. On the left side under "God" we wrote words like confidence, happiness, peace, understanding, light, knowledge, resolve, comfort... and on the right side under "Satan" we wrote words like fear, worry, concern, unsurity, anger, sadness, etc. And he said that any time you feel these feelings, you can know who is giving them to you. If we were supposed to be done having children, we would have felt the feelings on the left side of the page. Feelings of peace, happiness, confidence, etc. And any time that we feel doubt, we can know that it's Satan giving us those feelings. So that has really helped me as I make decisions. I come to God in prayer, asking him if my decision is correct, and then I know based on my feelings what I should do. Whenever I felt anger and frustration and doubt and loss of hope, I knew that Satan was working on me to just give up, and so I had a new resolve to not let him win, and to follow all of those promptings that I've had that we still need to try. That hope, that peace, and that feeling that I need to have more faith, those are all from God. So I trust him :). I'll keep you updated on how my appointment goes tomorrow. Thanks for reading!